Benji (benji) wrote,

Really feeling like I don't belong

In just about everything.

I work a job that I am no good at because I can't balance what I need to do with what I feel I should do.

I feel awkward going out into the world, severe anxiety makes it feel like I am a lamb in a den of lions. Constantly looking for a way out, for a way to bolt amd save myself.

My list of friends grows ever shorter. Everyone becomes an acquaintance and so the above anxiety comes into play and I don't belong in the presence of anyone.

Even when I sleep, I feel like an outsider. Always trying to escape this life for something else.

From every "Normal" person to every fringe belief or characteristic or anything... no one feels the same. No one has ever felt the same. I have never heard anyone speak of something and felt "that's like me, I get that" ,

Where the fuck do I belong? The list of places to try grows ever shorter. I don't want to reach the last place on the list. But maybe I will. Maybe that is where I belong? Im at 0 right now. I can only go another 6 feet further dowm the list.
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I have been where you are...have you considered anti-anxiety medication? :) I swear by it...I was on it for awhile and it helped while I made the changes needed in my life to fix the underlying cause.
I was on antidepressants last year. They helped take the edge off the anxiety. However they also made me, how can I say.. umm well messed with my libido and cut off a lot of my inhibitions. I took steps down a very slippery road that I don't want to go down again. Out of the two, I would rather the anxiety.
I think youre fab :)