Benji (benji) wrote,
Benji
benji

gush gush gush gush

So it's that time of day again, when I'm physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually exhausted from bottling up all that swims around in side me. I hit this point and generally go to bed, letting my mind shut off and sleep wash over me like a wave to carry everything away again for one more day. Dreams gather up my baggage once more and I squash it all back in side ready to do it all once again. Ready to put on that max factor smile. A vinyl facade for the world to see, covering the cracks in an all too weathered inside.

Tonight though I will lay it out. I won't try and hide it, I won't be ashamed of what I am or what I feel.

Yesterday. That is where it all exists. Not Yesterday in a sense of before the sun last came up, but a symbol of a time that once was. I don't know when yesterday started, I don't know when it ended. I just know that it has. Yesterday I started by hiding all these things I hide today. I hid them away daily and let the night wash them away. Yet these things were different then. They were doves, white and graceful, they could soar if I let them, but I was ashamed to let them free. I hid the beauty that was in side. I hid them from everyone.

Then one day, yesterday I let them fly, I let them fly for you. I opened up and you helped me see the beauty in these birds I hid away. How did you do it? I don't know. I guess I just felt able to show you what I am. I gave you a part of me to hold that was never before seen. You took it willingly, you held it and smiled. A smile that melted every barrier I've ever had.

Then as quickly as yesterday started, it was gone. Now I feel like that part of me never left yesterday. It still lives there, trying to find you again. But you left yesterday too. Now I am lost.
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