I work a job that I am no good at because I can't balance what I need to do with what I feel I should do.
I feel awkward going out into the world, severe anxiety makes it feel like I am a lamb in a den of lions. Constantly looking for a way out, for a way to bolt amd save myself.
My list of friends grows ever shorter. Everyone becomes an acquaintance and so the above anxiety comes into play and I don't belong in the presence of anyone.
Even when I sleep, I feel like an outsider. Always trying to escape this life for something else.
From every "Normal" person to every fringe belief or characteristic or anything... no one feels the same. No one has ever felt the same. I have never heard anyone speak of something and felt "that's like me, I get that" ,
Where the fuck do I belong? The list of places to try grows ever shorter. I don't want to reach the last place on the list. But maybe I will. Maybe that is where I belong? Im at 0 right now. I can only go another 6 feet further dowm the list.